Mud and Gold by Shayne Parkinson

Author:Shayne Parkinson
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: family saga, marriage, historical fiction, victorian, new zealand, farming, nineteenth century, farm life
Publisher: Shayne Parkinson

*

It was late the following afternoon before Amy struggled up through the darkness into consciousness.

‘How do you feel, darling?’ Mrs Coulson asked.

‘My head’s all thick.’

‘Wake up slowly, dear. I’ve kept you under for a long time, I kept spooning laudanum into you as soon as you stirred. There was no sense letting you wake up straight away.’

I’m alive. Pain hovered at the edge of Amy’s awareness, not touching her for the moment but ready to bite when the numbness faded. ‘My baby’s dead, isn’t she?’

‘He, darling. Another boy. I’m sorry, sweetheart, we lost him.’

‘A boy?’ Amy frowned in confusion. ‘I thought it was a girl. They took her away.’

‘He’s with the angels. The poor little fellow struggled hard, but he’s where there’s no pain now.’

‘Dead. My baby’s dead.’ The words fell flat and heavy in the air between the two women.

Mrs Coulson sat down on the bed and slipped her arm around Amy. ‘Come on, darling, have a good cry.’

‘I’m not allowed to make a fuss about it. My baby’s gone.’

‘Who says you can’t make a fuss? Don’t try and be brave, dear. There’ll be time for that when you’ve got the tears out of the way.’

Amy shook her head. ‘I knew I couldn’t keep my baby. They told me I’d have to give her away. What’s the use making a fuss? It doesn’t matter how much I love her. They’ve taken her away. I’m not allowed to keep her. It’s better if you don’t love them.’

‘You’re a bit muddled in the head, aren’t you? I think I’d better leave you by yourself for a bit.’ She patted Amy on the arm and stood up. ‘I won’t tell your husband you’re awake yet. There’ll be no one to see whether you’re being brave or not.’

But when she heard the door close, Amy lay dry-eyed and stared at the ceiling. There was a small gap between two of the boards that she could not remember having seen before. It held her eyes as her thoughts wore a groove in her awareness.

My baby’s dead. There’s no use crying over it. I knew I couldn’t keep her. I knew he’d die.

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